act my age…

Act my age? Ya that’s right. This is what i’m learning about. I know without a doubt i take on way more than i can manage. I am young at heart but physically not as young as i once was. I have also had injuries that have taken their toll on my abilities. I am beginning to see that now. I have not been fearful until this last injury to my head. Now i am realizing how difficult life can be and from another recent injury before that living with constant pain. So now at about 1/2 a century why am i doing things like picking up dog sledding? I don’t know. well yes i do know, but it’s difficult to explain.

when i was a child i always wanted a dog but not just any dog. I actually wanted a wolf pup. I talked about them, dreamt about them and always on high alert in their environment in search of them. So much so that “wolfpup” became a nickname my dad and Bumpa called me. My Bumpa was my mom’s dad. I guess i could not say Grandpa so I called him Bumpa. He was called Bud by many so i guess it was a combo of Bud and Grandpa. So makes perfect sense to me as a little one… “Bumpa” Anyway, I would visit him at the Cabin and talk with him for hours about wolves. Sometimes upstairs, sometimes in the basement while he was Wood burning and doing art on wood. I have a painting of wolves he did for me specifically. He would often chuckle at me, out on the dock watching northern lights in the evening howling trying to get the wolves to answer. The first time they did he came out those basement doors and we had this special bond at that moment. I don’t remember my age. But I know it was a love of ours. Then i was obsessed. I was always trying to find a way to get a wolf pup. We went to the Ely, MN International wolf center and it was just barely up and running with the basics nothing like it is today. and there they were. Little wolf pups. From that moment on I would daydream of myself running through the wilderness forest as the sun beams would refract the light and along side of me was my wolf. My imaginary friend I had was either a snowman or a wolf. My bedroom walls were plastered with posters of puppies and wolf pups. I learned about dogsledding, Siberian huskies, husky wolf mixes of Various percentages, Alaskan Huskies, and Malamutes. I remember one time around 16 years old in Arizona visiting family and reading the classifieds in their paper and saw numerous adds about Hybrid wolfdogs. I was obsessed. I think i drove my daddy and all around me nuts. I could not get enough info about them. I read Bumpa’s books about them at the cabin. Any photo of them stopped me in my tracks. I read his Louis Lamour books. watched Westerns, and anytime there were wolves i’d go into a state of dreamland. Then there were the Movies. my favorite became “the Journey of Natty Gann”. So that is aging me right? White Fang and so many more. I went into a dream phase. I was so absorbed. I wanted a wolf. Because I felt just like them. I felt Misunderstood. I felt picked on. I felt loved by family. I had ideas. I wanted one to get to know and to be close to. But the more I learned about animals in general the less I did i actually want one. I decided that they should be kept free. They should have their spaces and we just be trees observing them and allowing them to do their job. Now if they came up and wanted to befriend me i would fall hard and fast. They are amazing creatures. I wrote a poem and if i feel adventurous i will share it also on here…Let me know in comments if i dare. ~ Country Wilderness Girl