“I’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe!”

Have you heard this? Do you understand this? alright, here’s my best explanation. First, Let me tell you at an early age my mom and dad along with grandparents instilled in me a deep respect for God, his creation and his word the Bible. This phrase has nothing to do with that deep personal relationship, but on some level i guess can to some degree. But that is not the meaning for me.

back to “wild and free” to me is having a sense of adventure. while being a mom to a deafBlind kiddo… the adventure had to be tempered. I have to have safety in mind and many things are impossible with him in tow. That said, Camping, surviving and doing fun things in nature, country and wilderness settings are huge with me. In the wilderness I feel that it’s not so much of an adventure as it is a peace and home feeling inside of me. Also, it is a state of mind. My teachers told my mom that I had amazing imaginations and Adventures that I would write about and talk about. I loved the outdoors and animals. Like I said “wild” is a state of adventurous spirit that my mom and dad also had and shared with us kids. we had many things we had to do but also the freedom to run wild and free in our woods and play and just be kids and learn. That is something kids don’t have much of these days in front of a screen. I did not grow up with a t.V. because we did not need one. It broke when i was a baby and they just never got another. I’m thankful for this.

So with this in mind, I was the kid that would do and try things. Build forts, climb trees, build tree houses, swing up in them or down from them. Carving, building, wood burning or even building fires, making food over fires out of mud and tree bark. ok! stop right there. I was a kid. I can honestly say it didn’t taste good even after adding apples or pine needles. Are you with me still? Yes I tasted it. We swam in mud, we did so many things you would never believe half of the things I have done. Most boys would never try and for sure girls would not. tomboy? maybe, but just very active and creative and yes ADHD would be another word for it. In school, I would daydream and stare out the window or be tapping my leg, pencil or finger or bouncing my leg up and down. If i was not doing this i was trying to get a nap in.

So in all fairness, I’m the one that will keep you wild. I will be the one pushing you to reach higher and further. I will be the one telling you “you’ve got this”, “you can do this”. Others ground me. Others hold me back or get frustrated with me when i push limits, while I know I will be safe and can push some things others I might not be. I look at my first husband I was living in a city rollerblading alone. I had a stalker and when he first met me and learned all of this he said “please stop rollerblading alone!” I realized he cared. I listened. I called a friend to go with. I paid attention. The city wild is not my place. I feel safer in the wild wilderness than i do with people. Now married to Griz he sees me barefoot running in the snow to the mail box and tells me to put shoes on. But i love being barefoot. Or if i climb a counter in the kitchen to get something up high he gets rattled that i might fall. The thing is, barefoot i have perfect balance. shoes hinder that balance. I do not like shoes. I’ve recently had a couple of barefoot shoes where you feel most of everything except the sharp jagged edges of rocks and sticks and protect your feet. The benefit is great. I’m perfectly balanced there too. So when i say I’ll keep you wild? I will push you to explore your wild side. Your creative side. I will try to support you on Endeavors you want to try. I will try to find a way to also keep you safe. Being a mom and then a single mom for several years I had to both stay wild and find that balance to be safe for my kids and help keep my kids both wild and safe. It was difficult for sure. A perfect relationship is when one spouse keeps the adventure and one keeps it within bounds of safe. The roles can change back and forth but never should both always be safe or both always be wild & adventurous. Both of the guys I have married in my life helped me strike that balance. honestly, both probably would agree my wild streak is difficult to handle. I am not clutzy, like i dont trip on air. However, I have had some serious injuries because of being active and Unafraid to do things. Some of my injuries though were result of others and things they have done that put me in harms way or Direct blows. so when someone said “you are accident prone?” NOPE! probably more than a couch Potato for sure and because I actually am doing something you can get hurt doing. Bottom line is be adventurous. Don’t be afraid to venture out on something.

anyway, in life, find your wild adventure. start in your heart. what is something you consider an adventure and first plan, find that friend that will keep you safe and go for it. It might be just walking out your front door and looking around you. start small and keep going. The thing is getting outdoors in the country or wilderness where you can be in God’s creation and see and feel how much time and energy he put in creating all of this for us to enjoy, it will uplift you. It will make you think. You might wonder what your purpose is. Take the time to talk to your creator. Feel that peace and calm. It’s not as wild and scary as you imagine. It’s actually a safe place. ok, now what are you waiting for? Remember this… “i’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe!” now go. make a plan and get outside. ~ Country Wilderness girl

act my age…

Act my age? Ya that’s right. This is what i’m learning about. I know without a doubt i take on way more than i can manage. I am young at heart but physically not as young as i once was. I have also had injuries that have taken their toll on my abilities. I am beginning to see that now. I have not been fearful until this last injury to my head. Now i am realizing how difficult life can be and from another recent injury before that living with constant pain. So now at about 1/2 a century why am i doing things like picking up dog sledding? I don’t know. well yes i do know, but it’s difficult to explain.

when i was a child i always wanted a dog but not just any dog. I actually wanted a wolf pup. I talked about them, dreamt about them and always on high alert in their environment in search of them. So much so that “wolfpup” became a nickname my dad and Bumpa called me. My Bumpa was my mom’s dad. I guess i could not say Grandpa so I called him Bumpa. He was called Bud by many so i guess it was a combo of Bud and Grandpa. So makes perfect sense to me as a little one… “Bumpa” Anyway, I would visit him at the Cabin and talk with him for hours about wolves. Sometimes upstairs, sometimes in the basement while he was Wood burning and doing art on wood. I have a painting of wolves he did for me specifically. He would often chuckle at me, out on the dock watching northern lights in the evening howling trying to get the wolves to answer. The first time they did he came out those basement doors and we had this special bond at that moment. I don’t remember my age. But I know it was a love of ours. Then i was obsessed. I was always trying to find a way to get a wolf pup. We went to the Ely, MN International wolf center and it was just barely up and running with the basics nothing like it is today. and there they were. Little wolf pups. From that moment on I would daydream of myself running through the wilderness forest as the sun beams would refract the light and along side of me was my wolf. My imaginary friend I had was either a snowman or a wolf. My bedroom walls were plastered with posters of puppies and wolf pups. I learned about dogsledding, Siberian huskies, husky wolf mixes of Various percentages, Alaskan Huskies, and Malamutes. I remember one time around 16 years old in Arizona visiting family and reading the classifieds in their paper and saw numerous adds about Hybrid wolfdogs. I was obsessed. I think i drove my daddy and all around me nuts. I could not get enough info about them. I read Bumpa’s books about them at the cabin. Any photo of them stopped me in my tracks. I read his Louis Lamour books. watched Westerns, and anytime there were wolves i’d go into a state of dreamland. Then there were the Movies. my favorite became “the Journey of Natty Gann”. So that is aging me right? White Fang and so many more. I went into a dream phase. I was so absorbed. I wanted a wolf. Because I felt just like them. I felt Misunderstood. I felt picked on. I felt loved by family. I had ideas. I wanted one to get to know and to be close to. But the more I learned about animals in general the less I did i actually want one. I decided that they should be kept free. They should have their spaces and we just be trees observing them and allowing them to do their job. Now if they came up and wanted to befriend me i would fall hard and fast. They are amazing creatures. I wrote a poem and if i feel adventurous i will share it also on here…Let me know in comments if i dare. ~ Country Wilderness Girl

In the beginning…

I was having a very difficult time trying to figure out my first post and then again my first blog on here. I guess because my story has so many chapters. But then again, don’t we all. My story isn’t an easy one to tell. There is a lot of adventure, drama, exciting events, trauma, sadness, joys and survival. But in all of this it’s shaped and molded me, and well, made me who I am. So this will unravel a little at a time. A little past, a little present and a little in to the future. So lets begin shall we?

My mama was born in Colorado. But her family ended up in Minneapolis, MN area. Her Daddy, as I called him Bumpa, was a PE and English teacher. But then as soon as school got out on Memorial day they were running the Family Resort all summer near Ely, MN. My mom’s mama was very organized. She had each day for different things. But Bumpa always waited until she sat down after making any meal and took the first bite. Even their 4 children and all grandchildren all followed that respect. So my mom grew up a city/wilderness girl. She was the 2nd of for kids. She was sick a lot and much later in life found out why. But Bumpa was always there. He was a tough barrow tone voiced man but he was a softie in his heart. My mom would hold my head and hair when I was so sick telling me it was Bumpa that did that for her.

My daddy was born in a small town in SW Wisconsin. He was the 3rd kid in a family of 5 kids. His Grandparents were living on the same farm his dad and mom were running. My dad walked to a little farm house school. He was a wild child and my grandma used to tell us so many stories of how he was such a challenge. But he turned out to be a great guy. Grandpa was so patient and kind. He had a way with young people too. He died the day I turned 9 years old. There were lots of farm stories and Grandma did a lot. She also spoiled us when she visited making us homemade noodles, donuts, and all kinds of good food. The stories were endless. But she also was the best sport when it came to all the pranks I thought up and my brother and I played on her. Its so funny how I would never have dared to do such a think to my other grandma. I guess if she could handle my dad then we thought it was ok?

My mom and dad met. It was funny hearing their story… I will share sometime. But my mom always wanted kids of her own. She wanted me to wear lace a be all girly. But I was born and not much of a cuddly baby. I guess I was always looking around like what am I missing out on. So imagine the disappointment she felt when I would never sit still and how much I hated lace. To be fair… lacy undies and lace on clothing itched. I could not help but to wiggle. Over time and right up to when I lost my dear mum… She loved me and let me know it. She was my biggest fan. She saw a lot of what we struggled with. She fought for me when up against bullys. My daddy too. He had my back when life got rocky or bad.

Over time I will share what “Wild & Free” is to me. It is NOT acting crazy and out of control. That is not using your head. It has nothing to do with being married or single. It’s more about being creative and having the freedom to create your ideas and the wild part of it is having the courage to strike out and make it happen. The ability to courageously take reasonable risks to have an idea and make a safe version happen. I was a different sort of wild before I had kids. I was sometimes a reckless wild. Sort of out of control wild at times. After I had my kids I realized I am responsible for that gift and had to take care of them. Mostly alone. I needed to use more wisdom and reliance on God. I needed to adult up to allow my own kids to grow up. I took the fun route though. I worked hard to make fun. We did it mostly safely but with an adventure spirit. We tried to make fun happen. We had limited budget, limited sleep, limited energy and resources but for the most part we did some pretty fun things.

Here is where I plan to share what I do. I draw, paint, wood burn, design things to build and then build them I have a vision in my head, draw out on graph paper the old fashioned way and then get busy. I will share the past projects as well as new ones and the current one I am working on.

I have had many traumatizing or tragic things happen. They are part of me now and I deal with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I will share over time how it’s affected me and how I am doing working through these experiences. What helps the most is my trust in God. My close relationship with him. How I have so much faith in him. But also my upbringing and my inner country wilderness that keeps me positive, going and looking for more reasons why I love life every day. Inside I am happy and positive. I look for lessons to learn from my experiences and those of others. Look to the things beautiful happy and fully of life. Just keep paddling, swimming, or grinning. Whatever your mantra is… just stand in that mirror look yourself in the eyes and say “You’ve got this!” ~ Country Wilderness Girl